Two people get together, they fall in love - that goes on, in a multitude of different ways, thousands of times all over the world. Then, if they're lucky and everything goes well, they determine that since they love each other so much, they want to remain together and share a place.
Now, for tied as well as divorced pairs, they have to adapt to a new situation: Every-day-life decisions look on two people's opinions, preferences and wishes instead of one before.In single life, one's the only instance of determination on what party to go to, when to clean the place, what to wearing, what to eat and where to go on holiday.
And this independence, being an advantage in the situations lined above, can turn into a problem when it comes to living together. Suddenly, determinations require to be agreed upon by both parties, and compromises have to be made. Particularly in the first time of living together, those incompatibilities can lead to the actions described above.In the modification point, both need to be careful of those attainable dangers and respect each other's difficulties in getting along with the new position.
Other Than, the feeling of love and closeness that grown the wish to live together is bit by bit replaced with a feeling of rejection.The quick reaction on being picked apart, misconstrued or in any other way "attacked" is to represent oneself. If you're habituated to make decisions alone, without considering another, maybe diverging impression, you might feel attacked when your partner doesn't share your line of thoughts or wishes. The worst, but unfortunately most common, because instinctively made, reaction is to "fight back".For example: You desire to go to a party.
Your mate wants to go out for dinner. So your premier feeling is being "attacked": Why does your partner refuse your proposal, what's improper with it? So the spontaneous response, from a feeling of frustration and defiance, is to "fight back": A observing note, pointed at the partner's proposal and aimed to injured, seems to be the appropriate answer.In order to head off a situation where the only choices are professional advice or divorce, some guidelines can help keeping things from going that far to the bad side.
Control yourself. By discovering your reactions and the resulting stress between you and your partner, you'll be able to easily keep apart the kind of feeling that makes you respond sharp and hurting. So once you know where your helplessness lies, keep yourself from reacting at once upon those sparks off. Think twice, and consider if your self-importance (nothing else you're gratifying with a sharp reply) is worth offending your beloved one.
In most situations, a second of silence is enough to make you repent the answer you would have given. Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean you always have to step back. There are situations when a encounter is essential - you just have to learn how to key out them.Speculate on your words. Suppose the same situation, just with changed roles. Of course, you have to be so average to admit if you would be hurt in your partner's place.
Now that you imagined the impact your reaction would have on yourself, think twice again if it's worth it.Stay Put cool. The lowest things are said and done in anger. If you focus on what you want to achieve, there is mostly a better way than a violent verbal or even physical reaction. Be ready to share responsibility. Especially for single parents, it's difficult to get used to unsuspecting someone else again.
But without trust, your relationship won't last.Be practical. When you move together with another person, that means that your way of life will radically change. Your Independence will be replaced by interdependence: You'll be less on your own, but mostly with our spouse. Take this cautiously, and if you think that you're not set for it, tell your partner - before it's too gone.