A Hard Marriage is Better than an Easy Divorce

Divorce is a common occurrence in today's society with as many as 50% of marriages resulting in divorce. Some speculate than one third of children are from families divided by divorce. Statistics for second or third time marriages are even more dismal.

We all like to think that marriage is a holy institution that will last forever or, at least "until death do us part," especially when it comes to our own marriages. However, wishing for this to be true and working to make this true are separate things and only one has any hope of achieving results. Marriage is hard work.

How many times have we heard that cliche? Yet how many people throw caution to the wind when marrying and do not heed those age old words? While some couples find marriage to be absolutely effortless until their dying day, that are the exception and not the rule. Acknowledging that marriage is hard work, and putting in the effort is the only way to prevent divorce.To work effectively on a marriage, we first need to know where to focus our efforts.

This may mean first spending some time reflecting on your life and your marriage to determine what the root of the problem is, rather than focusing on a string of little grievances that are easy to identify but not the true source of your unhappiness. Two of the most common problems in marriages are a lack of communication and a lack of romance, but it's important to dig deeper to find the source of those problems and begin working on them before they become insurmountable.

It can be hard to do, but talking to your spouse about how you feel is essential in in order to resolve the problems effectively. If you can't figure out how to open the channels of communication with your spouse, professional services can help. Counseling usually works best when both partners are present, but if your spouse is resistant to going or you feel more comfortable going by yourself, a professional can still help you learn how to express yourself better to your spouse.

There are also countless books on the market to help boost communication. This step focuses on expressing your feelings, not dealing with them just yet. When you and your partner understand each other and acknowledge the gravity of the situation, you can begin to work together.The last step is to actually work on resolving your issues. You'll find that some may be easily fixed, and some you really have to work at. For instance, communicating effectively may be harder for the two of you than, perhaps, getting the romance back.

You may even have to see a counselor to help you break your bad habits and figure out how to change your ways. You have to be especially committed and dedicated at this point because you are going to have to admit your fears, faults, and weaknesses. In other words, you are going to have to let yourself be vulnerable, which can be scary. But if you remain steadfast, you may be able to save your marriage.